July 18, 2003

Very tired. Going to bed.

July 17, 2003

Today was a good day, the best I've had so far. I received many a compliment on my behaviors & playing softball. I was actually quite disappointed when I found out there was not going to be any double-scrub today. Also today I properly followed the chain of command talking with Susan about baseball on Sunday & received a no so I asked Oscar. Stating what Susan said & then asking for his opinion. I feel that I am making leaps & bounds in changing positively. I just need to remember to keep it up & thank God for helping me do it.

Gratitude List

• God's help
• My friends here in recovery
• My parents

July 16, 2003

1. The most difficult situation I was in today was going up in the front of peers.
2. The thoughts I had about that situation were why won't they leave me alone. They're full of shit.
3. At that point I told myself that this was happening because they care & they're right.
4. This led me to feel sad, guilty, helpless, & hopeful.
5. Which gave me the urge to hear them out.
6. The very next thing I did was have a smoke.
7. I wouldn't change it.

This morning I was frustrated & overwhelmed. But now I have a schedule for tomorrow & I feel much better.

July 15, 2003

The most difficult situation I was in today was reading my autobiography.

July 14, 2003

July 17, 2003

1. The most difficult situation I was in today was kissing Sandy because I was being pressured into it by my "brothers."
2. The thought I had was why are they embarrassing me?
3. At that point I told myself to hold on & do it.
4. This made me feel embarrassed, annoyed, anxious.
5. This gave me the urge to run away.
6. The very next ting I did was kiss her

Today was an awesome day. I stuck to my schedule & had an amazing visit. Sandy's "little one" called me Dada & Sandy & I kissed. I'm floating on cloud 9.

Gratitude List

• My brothers in recovery
• Sandy
• God's plan for me

July 13, 2003